Friday, April 29, 2005

If I could be....

I have to say that I am copying this from KelBel even though I was not tagged. I think this is the coolest thing and I will like to look back on it in the future to see if I still feel the same way. I don't have a large number of Blog followers, so I am not going to "tag" anyone, but I would love to see what others would like to do with the following professions. So here are the rules.
Immediately following there is a list of 26 different occupations. You must select at least 5 of them . You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select 5 of the items as it was passed to you). Each one begins with "If I could be..." Of the 5 you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession.
Once you're done you direct this at three (three) people you think will put a cool spin on their answers. Don't forget to add a profession to the end of the list with a link to your meme!

If I could be a psychologist...
I would work 50 hours a week, but the last 20 hours a week would be for indigent patients, or low income patients. This may seem silly to some, but at $100 an hour, I will have plenty to support myself on with only 30 hours a week. I had to stop seeing a psychologist when I was 13 (and actually needed it) because my dad left and My mom and I had no insurance. Having someone to talk to would have really helped, so I would like to do what I can to help those that were in the same situation I was in.

If I could be a linguist...
I would definitely work for the FBI or CIA. I would interpret for national leaders, assist with undercover sting operations in foreign coutries, getting to travel and live life on the edge. And I would love to go to another country and be able to hear (and understand) people when they call me a dumb American, so I can bitch them out (fluently mind you) in their own language.

If I could be a doctor...
I started to say that I would be a plastic surgeon, but I have changed my mind. I don't want that much responsibility. But as chessy as this sounds, I would either be a Vet or join Doctors Without Borders (only if I had no family at home). I just think that if I was privledged enough to have that knowledge, I should assist others by teaching them how to treat injuries and teach good hygeine to avoid infection and just help those in need period.

If I could be a musician...
I would love to work with Sting. I am in love with Sting, yes, because he's fickin' hot as hell, but I admire him hugely for his insight and the depth of his music and how he sews his love for the art into every song. He's a genius. As for intsruments, I would probably play the piano and celo.

If I could be a scientist...
I would die and go to heaven. That is what I am going to school for now. I love science. It just makes sense to me. There are so many fields I would love to get into. When I was in high school, I did a paper on AIDS, and thought it would be so cool to be able to do reasearch a cure for it. I would also like to study genetics. But most of all, I would want to be Greg (when he still worked in the lab) on CSI. Forensics are where it's at!

The List
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...(by Ogre)
If I could be a bonnie pirate...(By Teach)
If I could be a servicemember...(By Jeremy)
If I could be a business owner...(By Blue944)
If I could be an actor... (By Blue944)
If I could be an agent...(By KelBel)
If I could be video game designer...(By KelBel)
If I could be a personal assistant...(By Jyny)
If I could be an archeologist...(By Jyny)

I'm a sucker for the quizzes...

So, I'm a little disappointed to find out that I am a Mutt. I thought for sure I would be a Lab or Golden Retreiver, (sigh)...oh well...I guess it's not the WORST description I could get....

What are you? Try it!

You are a Mutt, friendly, sweet and full of yourself

Which dog are you?
brought to you by

Am I the only one...?

So, am I the only one that:

Uses the "Buffer Stall" rule in public bathrooms?
In case you don't understand what I'm talking about. You walk into the bathroom at school/work/any other public restroom. You probably have your preferred spot or stall (even if it's your first time in there). If the stall you are planning on using is full, and all the other stalls are free, do you choose the very next empty stall? Or do you go down one or two more? I ALWAYS use the "buffer stall" if available. Using the restroom is a personal thing and even if I am 10 stalls away, I know they are STILL going to hear me pee, but it just feels better to have that space, you know? The other day at work, this lady walks in, and goes into the stall right next to mine. All the other stalls were open. ???? Why? Was her desire to use her favorite stall so great as to over ride the buffer stall rule? Or am I the only one that follows this?

Uses the "Buffer Seat" rule at the movie theatre?
Okay maybe I have a "personal space" issue, but I will NOT chose an empty seat that has someone next to it. Isn't that just weird? I remember one time, I was in an empty row. This guy and his wife come in and sit RIGHT next to me. They had an ENTIRE row to choose from. That just creeps me out. I got up and moved. Maybe that's what they wanted in the first place so they could sit right where I was. Who knows.

Is disgusted by public nose-blowing?
Okay, I am aware that some readers may actually BE public nose blowers. Blowing (their noses) wherever they please, WHENever they please, no matter how loud or disgusting it may be. I understand if you are extremely sick and can't get away from your desk and have to blow a little bit in order to breathe, so you can make it to the bathroom. However, there are people who blow their nose constantly. Every day. At the same time, like a ritual. And it's LOUD. Seriously. Like a fog horn. Weeee-onnnnngggg! Fickin' gross. Rude. And on that subject, what the hell is with the handkercheif concept. That's just disgusting. Blowing snot into a rag, and carry it around all day. Eeeeewwww.

Anyway, I was just wondering if I was the only one that felt this way...

Friday, April 22, 2005

Sorry Bush fans...

I saw this bumper sticker yesterday on my way home. I forgot about it til now.


I tried to find a link so you could see it, but I could only find this, which is the same only on a shirt.

I love it.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

OK, ya, I'm in lust...who knew they were so hot?

I know I just posted, but I was reading over my post to make sure all my links came thru okay, and I was checking my 98 KUPD link and realized I haven't checked out their website in a while. So I was clicking on some of the event pics they recently posted, and I came across the pics for when Alterbridge came to The Patio. See, when the radio station presents a concert or show for a major band, they always have them out to the radio station to have them play on the back patio. No tickets required, no entry fee. If you show up, you get to hear the band perform acoustic for a while. It's usually the afternoon before the show. I have never gone, because I usually have class. But I am now making it a habit to go if I can. You would think there would be a shit load of people showing up to see (and meet, mind you) their favorite bands up close, but the radio station is located in Guadalupe, AZ (in between Phoenix and's basically little Mexico, very underdeveloped area that you don't want your car to break down in, I guess I would say) so half of the listeners live no where near it, and most of the other half either can't find it or don't want to go. I live insanely close (like 10 minutes) from there so I have no idea why I haven't gone. Dumb. ANYWAYS, my point was...

I was browsing the Alterbridge pics and I saw them. Eyes widened. Mouth dropped open. A little bit of drool almost came out. Check them out. I understand most people do not share my taste in men, but OMFG!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I hate these guys, oh but I love THIS song...

First I have to apologize for hitting a blog block. I have sat at the screen for the last few days, reading comments and trying to come up with some witty description of what has been going on in my life, only to realize that it has been so boring that NO ONE would want to read about it...not even ME. But I am just saying FICK IT. So here goes.

While I was driving home from class last night, I was waiting for Love Line (with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla) to come on 98 (my favorite station), when the DJ said he had a new song by System of a Down, whom I normally do NOT like at all (sorry fans, but I just can't get into them). However, when I switched over to The Zone (my second fav station), they had annoying car commercials on (which make me want to drive myself into a lamp post - hey come to think of it, maybe that's why they are so annoying, so you drive yourself into a pole, then you need a new car, and you will remember the commercial that was playing when you wrecked, and end up going there to buy your new car...hmmmmm...anyways) so I flipped back to 98 and the song had started and so I decided to just listen to it, and I'll be darned. I LIKED it!!! It's called BYOB. It's on a CD that hasn't come out yet, but I really liked it!!!

So I have been thinking...I say that quite often. I feel like that with Green Day. I have no idea why I just can't like them, I recognize they are great artists, but I don't enjoy their music....EXCEPT for I Walk Alone. I love that song. I had a whole crap load of examples when I started this post, but since Blogger is being a bitch, and wouldn't cooperate with me, I got frustrated and forgot.

But I know that I feel this way toward some foods too. I looooove tomatoes. But I don't particularly like catsup that much. I hate cheese, but love pizza, mac & cheese, and quesadillas. I just don't like cheese by itself or on hamburgers, or salad or fries. Weird I know. Lets see, what else..... Oh, I love bananas but HATE banana pudding, banana candy or banana flavored anything. Same with Raspberries, the real thing is good, but not raspberry flavored drinks, candy gum, etc. Oh and milk. Eeewww. I will NOT drink milk on purpose unless it is skim milk in my cereal, or with chocolate cake. That's it. Oh and I will drink half & half if it is with Kahlua on ice. Also, I love plums but can't stand prunes. I love grapes, but don't like raisins and I don't generally care for wine that much. I know this isn't food, but I am extremely repulsed by bugs, except for dragonflies (of course...I'm even tattooed with one) and lady bugs.

So, as you can see, I am very...what is the word...hell I don't know. I guess what I am trying to say is I can pretty much tolerate everyone and everything in one format or another.

Oh, except for all olives, black licorice, root beer and hummus. None of them are good, any way you look at them. Eeeeww.

Sorry it took me a week to come up with a lame post like this but I seriously have not been able to put my thoughts into words lately. And, work was pretty busy today when I finally had something to write, AND I have finals coming up. (I know...excuses...excuses....)

Well that's all for now, and I sure as hell hope something useful can come out of me tomorrow, in fear that I will be removed from your link list (No! Don't do it! I'll write better I swear!)

I plan to write about meeting Amber Lynn and Annalisa, The Ex Calls, The Apartment Hunt, The 22 year olds and The Library escapade, getting locked out of my truck yesterday, and... well that sounds like enough to keep me busy! So, au revoir, mes amis.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Hello Dad....? I'm in jail.....

Does anyone else remember this song?

"Hello Dad.....? I'm in jail.....Happy Birthday....from jail!!!"

I love it. This song just popped into my head while I was commenting about going to jail because I would rather make the 4pm "Happy Hour deadline" than the fickin' "Midnite Tax deadline"! My first priority is to drink martinis with martini, then whatever drunken escapades come up from there....THEN taxes (which I will most assuredly not do until Sunday). So when I post from jail, you will all know why. Ha!

I have decided that I will continue to ingest large amounts of caffeine for the rest of the afternoon and go get a pedicure and go check out the Old Navy sale, instead of napping like I have been longing to do since I got to work this morning at 6:00am. I need to treat ME. I have NO DOUBTS that I deserve it. However, I need to save money for Cali! 70 DAYS!

Now I have a countdown like all the other cool people who have planned vacations this summer. We are going to the beach, not because it is a tourist thing to do, but because the beach is actually CALLING us there. At least me anyways. I can actually FEEL it. I NEED the sand between my toes & Miller Light in hand as I recline on the beach watching the sunset. We don't have a set plan yet, but we know we are going. We all have the days off. And we know we will drive the PCH, stay in cheap-ass hotels, drool over surfers and gawk at the crazy ass people walkin' down Hollywood. (I remember this one guy I would always see that was always talkin' to himself and walked around with a Blue rat on his shoulder). Oh, and we have to eat clam chowder in a bread bowl in San Luis Obispo. Mmmmm. Clam chowder. I don't think I can make it!

I have MANY other items that I would love to post about, but it's my break and I want to go smoke (yes I started smoking again - not that I ever OFFICIALLY quit - but still...). Now that I no longer have someone in my life to bitch about me smoking, I plan to smoke as much as humanly possible, until it actually makes me sick. Then I know I will be quitting for myself, NOT for someone else. But until then, Smoke Up Jyny!

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Well, it's off....for good

Sorry, but this is not an amusing post, nor is it short, so if you don't have time, you may just want to move on. But this shit had to come out sometime, so here it is:

The ring. The one I saw a good 8 months or so before he even asked me to marry him. The day we started talking about getting engaged, he asked me to look around to see what styles I liked the best and what price range we were looking at. When I saw it, I knew. I went in looking for something COMPLETELY different, but just looked down casually and while the sales lady was in the middle of her sentence, I interrupted her and said "It's that one." She was like, "excuse me?" I said, "I'm sorry, can I look at that ring right there?" pointing at it. She said "sure, but it's not Platinum, it's white gold." I told her I didn't care. I wanted to try it on. It was beautiful. White gold, princess cut solitaire with a band of 12 small princess cut diamonds that slipped into the middle of the solitaire. Both rings were beautiful, and could be worn separately, but only looked complete when they were together. Just like us. They were made to be together. I had never seen a ring like it. And still haven't. I asked how much. A little more than I knew we had, but do-able. I told her I didn't want to see any more. That was the one. I knew that I couldn't possibly love another ring as much as that one. However, I was sensible and looked around for the next 6 months, constantly searching for something that I connected with like that one. I never found it. I would come to the store twice a month or so, just to visit the ring, try it on, etc. The sales lady was so happy for me when I told her we were going to buy it. Not for the commission (they don't work on commission).

The week he had planned on asking me to marry him, he knew that I knew that he was going to ask me, so he DIDN'T ask me. He told me he couldn't get the ring, and that he wasn't sure this was the right time to ask me. I was devastated. I was so hurt. But that week I realized I was wrong for EXPECTING it. It is supposed to be a surprise. And I realized that although I would always love that ring, I didn't need it. I needed him. I just wanted to be his wife. That's all. Ring or not. I saw him that next weekend in California and we decided it would happen when it was supposed to happen. The next night, we got ready for bed and I was laying next to him with my head on his chest, and he started talking about how, to him, I am already his wife, and how he wanted to start spending the rest of his life with me, and knew he could never love another woman they way he loves me, and how I completed everything in his life. I was upset that he was bringing up all the talk of marriage without ever doing anything about it and I started to cry. The tears in my eyes blurred my vision, so I couldn't see him reaching over the side of the bed to grab the box. He opened it and laid it on his chest and said "Jynefer, will you marry me? I want you to be my wife." When I saw the ring, I started bawling, but I couldn't take it. I just laid my head on his chest and bawled for like 5 minutes. I finally sat up and he put it on my finger and told me he was never "not sure" about wanting to marry me, he just didn't want to ask me when I was EXPECTING it. And he was sorry. I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be for the rest of my life that night, October 8th, 2004.

Today, April 13th, 2005, it came off. It went back into the box. A process that would normally take 20 seconds. This took me 40 minutes. It looked so beautiful in the box, as it did 6 months ago. It brought me back to that night. And then the tears blurred my vision again. I had tried to do this for the last 10 days. Each time, it was like a knife in my chest. I tried moving it to the other hand, and that didn't work either. But today, I knew it was time. I can't keep pretending this didn't happen. It still hurt more than I thought I could take, but I did it because I had to. That ring represents a lie. I can't wear it anymore. I talked to him the other day, and told him he wasn't getting it back. At first he tried to say that he should get it back because HE bought it. After I explained to him why he will NEVER get it back, he finally understood and just asked me to please not sell it. Like I ever would.

We have communicated pretty much every day since this happened. It's almost as if to him, we are right back to where we were before we got together. We used to be best friends. I still miss that friendship. I love talking to him. But how can I just talk like we used to, when everytime I hear his voice, all I can hear is him telling me he "doesn't want to do this anymore". I have been able to pretend that everything is fine with me, but today, I realized I can't. I can't handle not hearing his voice, but I know that I need a break from it for a few days.

We were IMing and the conversation turned serious. He said he didn't know what to say to me. He's ashamed and so very sorry for how he hurt me. He said he never wanted to be "that guy". What does he mean he never wanted that? If he didn't want to hurt me, then he shouldn't have. He wanted to do whatever it took to make his life easier, even if ripping my chest open and walking out was what it took. I want to believe him. I do believe him in a way. It just doesn't make sense. And I don't expect it to make sense to anyone reading this either. No one but him and I know the connection we had, or how we could see into one another, or finish each others sentences, feel each other's pain (literally).

We made it through Iraq. We made it through Afghanistan. These separations caused us to learn how to build our own lives while we were apart, and build up the walls around our hearts while he was gone so it wouldn't hurt so bad. It just got too hard to build and break down walls everytime he had to leave. If we had lived together, I think things would have been different. But with us being long distance to start with was just too much for him. I was willing to wait it out. I knew that eventually we would be together. The arguing would stop. The loneliness would stop. It took energy that I guess he didn't have. And because of that, IT stopped. WE stopped.

I am looking at my finger. Maybe I am being melodramatic, but I have taken my ring off before after weeks of wearing it (like during a chemistry lab, or cleaning the bathroom) and other than a slight dent where the ring used to be, there was nothing there. Today, within 5 minutes of me taking it off, there is a bright red line wrapped around my finger. Not the kind of redness caused by wearing something tight. But like a burn. It's as if even though the diamonds are gone, the feelings are not. Yes know I am being silly, and yes I know it will go away, but for the last 9 hours it has been there, standing out, reminding me that it's not going to just disappear. It may not make sense, but I don't want it to. When that's gone, then I have no other choice but to sew up my wounds and pray for healing. But I want HIM to sew up my wounds. I want HIM to say he was just scared and made a mistake. I want HIM to say to ME that he has never hurt so much in his life. I want HIM to make me whole again, and come home. God, please send him home to me.

Sloopy Chickensniffer

This is my new name thanks to KelBel's post. How fun!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

The ever popular Sex & the City Quiz!

This is a great test. Thanks Jess. I pretty much knew I was somewhere between Carrie and Charlotte. They describe me to a "T". How fun!

You scored 50% Carrie
Your answers peg you as a Carrie-type, much influenced by the Air Sign qualities associated with Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. Like confident Carrie, a sex columnist, you're curious and perceptive, always seeking answers and never satisfied with the superficial. An Air Sign influence can lead to indecision and an avoidance of tough issues, like with Carrie and her on-again, off-again attachment to Mr. Big. Forward-thinking, incredibly intelligent and witty, you just exude quirky charm. You'd be utterly bored by someone who's just a pretty face or hot body -- though you don't mind looking and flirting! You're more turned on by an equally smart and funny mate, someone who challenges your mind and makes you laugh. You love to talk, so you need a good listener who's open to playful and eccentric ideas about love and lovemaking.

You scored 40% Charlotte
A romantic at heart, you chose the answers that demure Charlotte may have chosen. Strongly influenced by the intuitive, profound and sometimes naïve Water Signs -- Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces (yep that's me) -- you're like a mother, a mystery and a poet all in one. Though on the surface you may seem innocent and all about seeking the good in people, beneath the surface, you hide secret yearnings for intimacy, for attachment and ideal love. You're seeking a knight in shining armor, a soul mate, someone who will complete you and tether you to the earth when you get carried away with your fantasies. You're super-sensitive, soaking up the moods of others; you emote freely, crying at commercials and sappy movies. You also provide a shoulder to cry on and open arms for hugs. Be careful that you're not so wide-eyed and trusting that you get taken in by some cunning wolf in sheep's clothing.

You scored 10% Samantha

You scored 0% Miranda

Would you like crack with that....?

Okay, so I deserve everything I am about to bitch about because I CHOSE to go to McDonalds, but I swear they have the BEST Coke's ever (besides QuickTrip of course, but there aren't any close QT's when you are in a hurry)! So, at least 3 times a week I go to McDonald's and ask for a large Coke WITH EXTRA ICE. And I say it just like it is written here, LOUD and emphasizing EXTRA ICE. It shows up on the screen "1 Lrg Coke Extra Ice" so I know they entered it. However, a 10th grade educated McDonald's worker's interpretation of EXTRA apparently means 3 extra cubes. They seriously give me about 15 cubes of ice in a 32 oz Coke. This won't cut it. I am very weird about my ice in my drinks. No it doesn't make sense that I want extra ice, because then I get less Coke, but I don't know how to explain it. It just tastes better with more ice. And that makes up for the Coke running out faster. Anyways, I NEVER get the correct amount of ice and have to park, go in, and pour out the Coke and start over, doing it RIGHT by filling the ENTIRE cup with Ice, then with Coke. Why do I continue to go through the drive thru? It is my nieve belief that SOMEDAY they are going to look at the screen and READ it when they fix my coke. It's not like it's a complicated order. I don't order any food. Just Coke. EXTRA ICE. How hard is it? And it can't be that they are cheap or anything because if you think about it, they should WANT to fill everyone's cup thia way so they give out LESS Coke, therefore saving them money. WHY? Put DOWN the crack pipe and read the fuckin screen!

What the....?!?!?!

As I was floating through BlogLand, I stumbled upon this post, and found it a little disturbing. I actually have one of those inflamed taste buds on my tongue right now and it hurts like hell, and I'm not sure what is more disturbing; what she did or the fact that I actually thought about doing it myself....JUST for a second....

Monday, April 11, 2005

I'm dying...I know it...oh...never mind...'s just my sports bra. WTF you ask? Okay, the only bra I ever wear was smoky from the bar Saturday night, so when I threw a load of clothes in the washer Sunday night, I thought I put the bra in, but it was just my sports bra. So that's what I had to wear today. And let me add that I have gained weight since I bought it, and it just came out of the dryer. So it was tight. I didn't think it was too tight however, until I sit down at work, and after about 15 minutes, I start to get a sharp persistent pain in the center of my chest and numbness and tingling that goes down my right arm and shoots up my neck and jaw and right ear. I was like what the hell?!?!? I know it's not a heartattack, and heartburn would require me eating something, and I don't think heartburn causes jaw, arm and ear pain. So I start pushing on the area that hurts and it's right at the elastic band of my sports bra (right under my boobies - they are not big enough to be called boobs yet). So I'm not thinking this damned bra could be causing this much pain, but I just happen to readjust it and stretch it out a bit and voila, the pain is gone. And I feel like the biggest idiot. The pain was REALLY bad. Of course I started to immediately think I had a tumor or an exploded ulcer in my stomach or something. Ummmm, no. It's my fucking bra. I guess it was pinching a nerve or something causing the pain to travel in that particular pattern. Who the fick (I said fick, hee hee) knows? Wow, my stupidity amazes me sometimes. Unfortunately, that was the most exciting thing to happen to me today. Aren't you glad you tuned in, boys and girls....?

Friday, April 08, 2005

2,200 rea$ons it stays HERE!

Just to recap for those of you that are unaware of the BULLSHIT that has gone down in my life since Monday, my fiancé of 6 months (boyfriend of 2 years, best friend of 2 1/2 years) has recently decided that his multiple promises of "never leaving my side" and never hurting me "because it just isn't in him to cause me pain" and most importantly his proposal to stand by my side forever as my loving husband, have become too INCONVENIENT. Yes, I just said INCONVENIENT.

Now that he will be leaving the lonely life of the Marine Corps, and re-entering the exciting life of a California college student, he is not able to make enough time for me, and that he will be too busy to change his ways (of always talking to me like a Marine, or like I'm stupid) and since he will not change, then we will continue to argue constantly, and that is no way to live. He has decided that the most important thing in his life (which he used to say was me) now is full time school and to make sure HIS life is on the path to success. Then and only then, he says, will he have time for me to be in his life. PLEASE.
What the fuck do you think I'VE been doing for the last 2 years, asshole?!? Taking 17 credit hours, working 30 hours a week, and STILL making him first in my life. Using every spare amount of energy that I have to make this long distance thing seem as if we were together again. But HE's not strong enough. He just can't DO IT anymore. Is this making any sense to anyone? 'Cause it sure as hell doesn't add up for me. Here is what I see he is trying to say to me:

"I am a weak, selfish, bastard that doesn't know what a commitment, promise or standing by your word means, and I love being a self absorbed prick SO much that I refuse to change even if it means losing the best thing that will ever happen to me in my life."

So, he decided to tuck his tail between his legs, and walk out on me, leaving his honor and integrity at the door as he left.

OKAY.....There is the recap (kinda long for a recap...sorry). NOW.... let me tell you what he said to me as we were sitting in my truck at the airport parking lot.

"I'm gonna need to get the ring back."

EXCUSE ME ?!?!?!?!?

I was in such pain and taken back by what he said, that all I could do is beg him through my tears to not make me give it back. I said I couldn't bear it, not now. I needed more time. He said okay. Well, it is now 4 days later, and the first day I actually feel like I can breathe without bawling. It is at this point that I am now able to see past the gut wrentching pain and realise....guess what.....


Those of you that have made it this far and are still reading this, what do you think? Actually (no offense) it doesn't matter what you think, because I KNOW I'm right. HE gave up. HE broke his promises. HE walked out. And I'm supposed to give him the ring back so he can get reimbursed for his monetary loss? In case you were wondering, everything I have said in this post, and all the names I have called him here, HAVE been said to his face or over the phone since Monday. And he STILL fails to think his request for the ring is unwise. So, since he is acting like a child, he needs to be taught a lesson. AND, since money speaks louder to him than words, he will get a $2,200 lesson. No it's not a shitload of money, but he will be an unemployed student soon, so it will at least open his eyes a little, even if only to show him that he won't get EVERYTHING he wants, especially from ME.

I am NOT doing this for the money. I DO NOT plan on selling the ring. I still haven't been able to bring myself to take the ring OFF yet. I tried yesterday and thought my chest was going to cave in. When I told him at the airport that I would send him the ring back, I wasn't in a clear state of mind, and I also thought that eventually I would WANT to give it back so I wouldn't have to look at it, or come across it down the road. But things have become more clear, and that will not happen. I don't know whatHE planned to do with the ring, but I could never sell something that, although brings back the blinding pain of a broken promise, it also represents the the best love of my life. NO ONE will take that from me......IT STAYS HERE.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

What an appropriate title I have...

What an appropriate title I have for this blog. Little did I know that these words would be ringing through my head for the last 3 days, after my world completely turned upsidedown. I have been in denial. I suppose that is the appropriate stage to be in right now (in the grieving process...I'm not sure how it goes...Denial, Anger, Pain, Acceptance....I think that's how it goes). I am however slowly moving from denial to anger, kind of back and forth. The pain has always been there though from the moment he dropped my heart on the floor and walked out. As you might imagine, I will forever have an ugly scar on my chest if I can manage to pick it up again, to put it back in my chest. Okay, this is all I will say for now. I need to vent, but this blog was not created for pity, it was supposed to be fun. So I will create another blog for my venting and try to move on with this one. Apologies to anyone who had to read this. But please give me a few days before expecting anything funny. And thanks to my friends who are keeping me alive.