Tuesday, August 30, 2005

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

Monday, August 29, 2005

Crazy Crazy Crazy Crazy Nights!

I think that is a KISS song. Which is odd for me to have in my head since I don't particularly like KISS. At all. I admire their talent, I just don't enjoy their music. Anyway, I'm getting off the point. That song just comes to mind when I think of Saturday night. It was so much fun. A friend of mine is getting married next weekend, so we all went out to let her get crazy for her bachelorette party. There were originally supposed to be like 12 of us I think, but when we got there to pick her up, most all of her other friends had bailed on her. So there were just 5 of us, which turned out to be fun. We of course, as all bachelorette parties do, started out at a Male Review. I have only been to one of these before in my life, and I wasn't that impressed to tell you the truth. They all looked about as cheesy as they could be, all greased up, big muscles, tiny thongs, etc. Sorry, but I'm not really into thongs on men. Boxer briefs are much sexier in my opinion. Anyway, this time, yes the guys were oiled up (but no too much), had muscles (but they weren't too much) and were wearing thongs, but these guys were actually hot. Not in the cover-of-a-Harlequin-romance-novel-Fabio-looking kind of way. But in a I-might-actully-see-you-in-the-real-world kind of hot. Don't get me wrong. They could all be on the cover of a smutty novel, but, well, you know what I'm talking about. Yummy.

Unfortunately, one of the girls that came with us, did not have a good time, at ALL. She is a unique person. Well at least to me she is. She is close to our age (25 I think), never had sex (by choice) and has no interest in getting any, any time soon. It's very odd to me. A pretty girl, great personality, but almost like a child when sexual topics are brought up. We did however convince her to come with us to see the Male Review. We figured none of them would come up to her unless she was holding out dollar bills. Uh, we were wrong. Within 15 minutes a dancer comes up and starts talking all dirty to her. She looked like a cornered cat, ready to dart out at any moment. I have NO idea why he came right up her, she had her purse hugged tightly to her chest with her arms crossed over it. She looked so uncomfortable. Maybe he thought it would be funny to traumatize her. I felt bad. She eventually loosened up a tiny bit, but refused (understandably) to go with us to a strip club. I actually thought her jaw was going to hit the ground when we told her that was where we were going next.

So we ended up driving all around Phoenix while calling all the guys we knew here to find out where the best ones are. Finally we found one, but it really wasn't that great. We were leaving to find another one, but then decided to hook up with some friends across town at a cute little bar that I had never been to, then to a club. I don't dance. Especially when I am sober (I was the Designated Driver for the evening). But I still had SO much fun. We left around 3 something, I got my friend home around 4 and myself home around 5. Some would think, how boring, you didn't get to drink or dance and you had to drive everyone around! Not me. I love doing that. I like drinking sometimes, but it usually just makes me tired, and I didn't want to be tired so I sticked to Dr Peppers and Red Bulls all night. I guess I'm just high on life (gag)...lol

What a fun night! I need to do it more often!

Saturday, August 27, 2005

MUCH better pictures than this (Coldplay) are coming soon....













But let's see how long I have the courage to leave this one up....hmm?

Thursday, August 25, 2005

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

COLDPLAY BABY!!!

So the day has finally arrived. I get to see beautiful Chris Martin on stage. I can't wait!!! I love getting to see a band I have never seen live before. It's either going to make me love them even more, or find out they sound like shit live. But I KNOW this is going to make me love them even more. I haven't been to a show in, God, like 7 years. Yes that is embarrassing. I saw the Beastie Boys for the second time. It was at an inside venue, so it wasn't as fun as it could have been. Beastie Boys need to be experienced outside. I remember the first time I saw them, back in 1991. They came with House of Pain. I had a huge bruise across my pelvis from being pushed against the pole in the front row. It was an awesome show. My slutty friend that came with us, got plucked out of the crowd and taken backstage, to "hang" with the band. Tits. They can get you anywhere.

Then it's DMB on the 30th. Apparently I have already seen them. I have no memory of it whatsoever. I was talking to one of my old roommates the other day, and telling her that I was going to see DMB and I was excited because I have never seen them. She just looked at me like I was high, and said, "you idiot, you saw them with me and David at the Horde Festival in 96 remember? You drove down from NAU? Lenny Kravitz was also there?" Okay, Lenny I remember. DMB, not one bit. Sorry Dave. I was on a lot of drugs back then. I was in college. And I was in love with Lenny Kravitz. So, even though it is technically not going to be my "first time", it will seem like it. And I KNOW it will be fun. And I'm excited to see Slightly Stoopid too. I think Mellow is coming with me and Martini. I hope so. I know she loves DMB and SS. And she deserves to get out and have some fun! It's going to be a blast. AND I have tomorrow and the day after Dave off from work, so I don't have to worry about going to work on no sleep.

As for today, it is going to drag on, or seem like it at least. Let's see, only 7 hours till we head out. We are going to go Macayos across the street from the pavilion to drink before the show so we can beat traffic and drink at a reasonable price instead of paying $50 a beer. I can't wait!!! We have made sure we have the audioblog number so keep your fingers crossed that an audioblog will appear tonight. And the camera is coming too.

Monday, August 22, 2005

These are a few of my favorite things...

All you need for a Saturday at home.

Breakfast of Champions Posted by Picasa

So, as you can see, after having my camera for one year (or more) I have finally figuredO out enough about it to know how to get the pics onto the damned computer. This pic is from Saturday night. However I have more pics on the camera from July through October of last year. Ya it kinda sucked cuz there are some of me and TM, but there are some others that are pretty funny and remind me of the good times of last summer. So I thought I would post a pic of 3 friends that don't mind if I show their faces, lol. Hopefully, now there will be more pics on the blog to make things more interesting.

Well, it's time to see if I can make it through Two-sday. As in TWO days till COLDPLAY!!!!! Yippeeeee!!!!

Oh, and by the way, Weeds is the best show on television right now.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

It didn't work...

I just got home, and I was hoping that the audio blog I made tonight had worked, but it is no where to be found. We went for dinner and drinks for a friend of mine's 30th birthday. Then we headed to the Tempe Improv to see Alonzo Bodden. He was the winner of Last Comic Standing 3 I think. I have to say that I never watched that show, so I had never heard any of his jokes, and I had no idea if he was funny or not. Well, the guy was fuckin' hilarious. I loved him. Just the perfect amount and blend of cursing, race related and politic related joking for my taste. And I have to say, he was pretty good looking to top it off.

The Tempe Improv is supposed to be some sort of legend. Lots of famous comedians have performed there. Ya, that's great and all, but I wasn't impressed. I was very impressed by Alonzo Bodden. And the local comedian that opened for him was quite funny too. The seating is great. There isn't a bad seat in the house. But the seats themselves. Shitty. They are the massed produced, kind of chairs that you rent out for conferences, or cheap receptions. Metal with a padded panel for your back and ass. However, the padding had been diminshed from 25 years of sitting. It was like sitting on cement. I had to keep readjusting from one ass cheek to the other because my ass kept falling asleep. The back of my chair was about to fall out, and it squeeked really loud whenever I moved.

To make a long story short, I am glad I went, and Alonzo was very entertaining. But the venue didn't make the greatest impression.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Just for me

I have been dealing with a lot of shit lately that I just need to get out in the open. Not for anyones opinion, not for anyone's sympathy, just to prove to myself that I am still alive. I view this as improvement somewhat, and maybe a little bit of closure. Just a little.

Last weekend I watched a sappy chick-flick. Under the Tuscan Sun. I watched it at the exact time in my life that I needed to. The story line didn't EXACTLY fit my life, but it was kind of the kick in the butt I need right now to make me realize that I need to try to move on. I can't keep hoping that he is going to love me again, when I really don't think that he ever will. But why is learning to breathe again one of the hardest things to do?

There was a quote in the movie that really made sense to me. She buys this Villa in Tuscany on a whim while trying to get over her ex, and doesn't know why on earth she has purchased a home with no one to cook for, and no family to fill the rooms. She is scared because she realizes that there may NEVER be anyone to fill the house or kids to take care of. She says to a friend:

Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid.

Granted, I did not legally go through a divorce, but I might as well have. In my heart I did. And I have felt those exact same things. And I have felt sorry for myself, thinking I will never get to do anything with my life or go anywhere, because I will never marry now, so in turn, I may never have my own family to do these things with.

But why do I need a husband/boyfriend/kids to do these things? Why NOT buy the villa? I am not turning into a bitter feminist. I am just realizing that I can't let myself dwindle away. I'm not going to die because I don't have a man to love me, or because I don't meet society's image of perfection by having a husband, home, car and kids by my 30's. I will be 30 next March and the only way I was okay with that, was because I was engaged and I was going to be married when I was 30. I'm trying to be okay with the fact that now, I will not be. I will have nothing. (Okay, here is where you say, of course you have friends and you have family) Well yes I do have friends and family, but for some reason, I just don't feel complete unless I have more. A career. A child. My own home. A husband. My mom NEVER brought me up that way or mentioned things like that. Nor did my dad. So I don't know where I got these ideas. But they are true to me, just the same. I don't want to change myself, but I know I need to. If I don't, my beliefs will drag me down.

I recently had a long, extremely hard talk with TM. Everything was laid out on the table and I was brought to a harsh reality that what we had is truly 100% dead. For some reason I thought that if I kept him in my life by taking his calls and talking to him everyday "as friends" like he wants, that it will prevent him from ever moving on, and it will cause him to realize what a huge mistake it was to leave. I just knew that all we needed was to be together again. No more deployments. No more long distance, and everything would be fine. I was willing to wait. Years if I had to. Because he was leading me to believe that if we could just be friends, and live closer together, that it would lead to dating and starting over again, and end in a happily ever after. And I do believe that if we DID have those perfect conditions, it may happen. But we are never going to have those conditions. Not for many many years. And during those years, he is going to meet someone else and not think twice about me, sitting right here waiting, and loving him as much as I always have. And there will go all my childbearing years, love and effort, right down the drain, without as much as a second look back from him. Thank you to all of you, you know who you are, that helped me realize this, and that I just can't do that to myself. I can't.

This has been harder than I ever thought it would be. But, vaguely, in my mind, I can almost see a new me. I see me doing these things, living, traveling, alone, and I am happy. It is foreign to me, but I still do see it. I am not there yet, but I at least have the desire to be. I still break down sometimes, in the car, in the shower, sometimes even during a down time at work. For only a minute. Or sometimes for several minutes. I still love him like a wife. I still want to have his children. I still want him to love me like he used to. I still want to hear his voice everyday. But I have decided that I cannot take his calls everyday, anymore. It is so bittersweet, this process. The lonliness equals the freedom.

I have become a different person (and am still changing) since I met him. I will never love openly again. Never. I know, this could harm my chances just in case "the one" (that term makes me gag now) actully does wander along, but it will be worth it in the end. I don't say this shit for ANYONE to pity me, or for anyone to call me bitter, or for any goddamned attention at all actually. I just needed to write the words as sort of a reminder. I am afraid if I don't permanently state them, then I will become weak and open myself up for hurt again, and I can't handle that. This sort of holds me accountable.

Ironically it was he who took down the sand-bag walls around my heart so I could actually love someone again, and he who created the steel walls that now reside there. I can't turn back on my decision to never break them down again. So, I have decided, I may let someone else in some day, but if I if I do, they are gonna have to fuckin' climb 'em.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The bitch has balls

I cannot BELIEVE that bitch Jennifer ACTUALLY put up Kaysar last night. Kaysar! That stupid bitch (if she really thought about it) should know that she aint gonna win this game, so she should keep around the only eye candy in the house until she gets kicked out. Dumb stupid fucking bitch. Actually I'm just mad because I like watching Kaysar. He's just too hot. Now he's gonna be gone. The other (evil, eric worshiping) side has too many votes. Damn.

Okay, just a little burst of anger. I'm done.

Monday, August 15, 2005

It Happens All the Time

This song is in my head. It is a new release from COLD. I think the song is playing when you reach the website. If not you can play it by pressing play at the very top right. I wanted to post on this mainly because I really like this band, and I feel like they don't get the airplay they deserve. I can't change that fact, but I feel bad that I forgot about them (and that I own their last 2 CDs) until I heard their new song again on the radio this morning.

This made me realize how important radio play can be. Their new release doesn't hit stores until August 30, so maybe their new single will be played more then.

Kind of a useless post, but I just wanted to spread the word about a band that I (shamefully)forgot I like a lot.

I hope everyone is surviving their Monday.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Bloggity blog blog, Bloggity blog blog

I have the "Hoppity hop hop Hoppity hop hop Easter's on its way" song in my head, but with the words Bloggity blog blog instead of Hoppity hop hop. This is what TheraFlu and caffeine does to my head. Or maybe I'm just crazy. Who knows. But it's fun. Sing along now... Bloggity blog blog...

Friday, August 12, 2005

82% Bitches!!!!

That's right. 82 fickin percent! 5 MILLION voters and 82% voted for the hottest man on BB6 to come BACK in the house! Take that Eric! You puffed up, bald little midget with "little dick syndrome". Cappy my ass. You don't deserve that stupid name. Ha!

Okay, I think it may appear that I have temporarily lost it with the Big Brother obsession. But I was going to have to throw something at the TV if people voted tiny little Eric back in. And if I have to hear Yvette talk about how in LOVE she is with "Cappy" for one more minute, I'm going to puke.

For those of you who don't understand why KAYSAR made it back in, just take a look at pic number 7 (hit next until you get to 7 of 69). My God it makes me week in the knees....

Okay, I'm done now.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Freed by pee!

I somehow stumbled across this today while looking for info on the Arizona Stupid Motorist Law which I will post on later.

I was impressed.

However NOT too impressed with this idiot.... give me a break.

Oh my goodness. I was reading some more stories and came across this tragic one. Who was feeding this woman all that time? My God.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

HaloScan

So I finally have HaloScan. Now assholes can be banned. I got a little scared when I lost my old Blogger comments, but Blue944's instruction link enabled me to bring them back. Thanks Blue!

So, on to better subjects. Well different ones anyway.

So this weekend. This weekend was a lot of fun. 2 fellow bloggers (RC666 and his friend) came to Phoenix to party with Martini and me. We had a blast, and many drunken audio posts were made, however, not too many ended up going through. They are on Randy's site I believe. Hard to understand, but entertaining to say the least. It was fun to meet more bloggers! It's weird to know someone yet NOT know someone at all, and know what they look like, before ever seeing them in person. The internet is an amazing thing.

I ate fast food this weekend for the 1st time in a long time. And it made me sick enough to have to call in to work on Monday. Specifically, I believe it was the french fries that did me in because I haven't had fries in 3 months or more. I HAVE had a Taco Bell Crunch Wrap twice in the last month. Those were my 2 downfalls. The Crunch Wraps are evil and call out to your soul, creating an urge that you can't ignore. BUT, no french fry downfalls. Until last Sunday. Then I paid for it. While I was sitting on the couch, thanking God I was feeling better, I watched SuperSize Me. It brought back my nausea promptly, but helped me understand a lot.

I had no idea that you could damage your liver with fast food just as you can with alcohol. That is an eye opener. There were other revelations in this production that I won't bore you with, but I have a new opinion for McDonalds and the fast food industry. But I will still go there for a Coke (with extra ice just to be difficult) when I am feeling vulnerable. They have and always will have the BEST fountain cokes. Period. They must still add coke to their Cokes.

TM (The Marine) has managed to worm his way back into talking to me everyday. I know, it's only because I answer the damn phone, but still. He says he wants nothing more than friends, just like we were in the beginning. However, if I don't tlak to him at least once a day, he gets a little butt-hurt about it (like he did when we were together). So this is making no sense. PLUS he has mentioned for the last 3 days, how he wants me to come visit him so we can "hook up".

WTF???

What is he thinking? Well, I KNOW what he is thinking. Maybe this is more than you wanted to know, but the sex was EXTREMELY good. Close to the best I have ever had. Unfortunately he knows I feel this way. AND he knows me well enough to know that I could NEVER hook up with anyone else as long as I am still in love with him. And he knows I am still in love with him. Therefore, he knows I aint gettin' any right now. Damn him! So he dangles really good sex in front of me, because he wants to get laid himself. You might ask why he would ask me to come all the way out there to the other side of the damn country just so he could get laid? I am trying to tell myself that it is because I am THAT DAMNED GOOD (lol) but I don't seriously know why. Maybe it's too much work to have one of the sluts he talks to online come out to the Base, and sex is always better (well usually) with someone that knows you. You don't need to tell them what you like or dislike because they already know it. It IS a lot less hassle. But why the hell would I spend $300 I don't have, to come out there, to have sex (really REALLY good sex) only to seal my fate of NEVER getting over him?

THAT is what he wants. He wants EVERYTHING without the committment. He wants to KNOW that he has me by a string until he meets someone else. So that I will be "Right There Waiting" until he's done being an immature, fucking man-whore, asshole Marine and college student. That way when he is ready to come through on all the promises he made to me of wanting to be my husband forever and loving me forever and taking care of me forever, I will be there. Ready and waiting.

Well I just can't do that. I can't. But do I have the strength to go through all this with someone new, just to probably see it end the same fucking way? I don't think I can do that either? So why NOT wait around for that man I am going to love for the rest of my life anyway? Because I believe it may strip me of what little ounce of dignity I have left.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

It's the crazy ones with the good pills...

That's one of my favorite lines from the late Sex in the City. Carrie meets a new guy at her shrink's office, and is discussing whether or not she should date him because "he might be crazy". Samantha correctly points out that indeed, "It's the crazy one's with the good pills."

Why do I post about this you say? Well, because I stayed home sick yesterday (better today- enough to go to work anyway) and zoned on the couch all day watching TV. And I must have seen that Sex in the City clip on their commercial oh, probably 5 times. And I laughed my ass off each time.

Friday, August 05, 2005

this is an audio post - click to play

Thursday, August 04, 2005

How well do you know me?

Take this quiz to see how well you know me, or take it to GET to know me! Either way, hope you have a happy weekend!

Take my Quiz!

Then you can see how others did:

Check out the Scoreboard!

What the HELL?

This post is addressed to all you fuckin bottom feeders that are using my comment box as a fucking advertising billboard for "laser surgery" or "right wing politics".

FUCK OFF

For those of you who read my blog (for either the first time or on a regular basis) to cure your boredom or just cuz you're curious as to what's going on in my head: please disregard. This is not meant for you.

As for the assholes, I don't know HOW you stumbled across my blogaddress, but LOSE IT!

Thank you.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

What's in YOUR wallet?

Don't ask. I don't know why I made that my post title. It was just in my head. I love those commercials. They are so dumb. I guess the reason I was thinking along those lines, is because I was thinking about Big Brother, my current addiction. For you fellow addicts, I have a question. You know how when someone gets HOH (Head Of Household for you non addicts) they get access to their own room and a box full of stuff that they love and pics of family, etc? Well, first, I"m not sure if you list at the beginning of the show what you would like in your box, or if someone in your family or someone that works for the show picks the stuff. So, I'm not sure what would be in MY box. I would imagine it would be something like the following:

Box of Special K Red Berries and box of Golden Crisp cereal
Large bottle of Captain Morgain's Parrot Bay
A case of Dr Pepper
A case of Claussen Dill Pickles (the kind that are refrigerated- the crunchy ones)
A picture of my dog Sevin
A Carton of Parliament Lights
My Winnie the Pooh fleece blanket that my friend Chris made for me when I left TX

So, what would be in YOUR box?